Donald Trump joke

So, I was walking through the mall the other day and saw that there was a Muslim bookstore. I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore so I went in.   As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.   I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"   The clerk said, get the Hell out and stay out!   I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"

DEMOCRAT JOKE

My Mommy The  Dancer.

  

One day a  fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers did for a  living.

All the  typical answers came up -- teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor,  lawyer, and so forth.

However,  little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the  teacher  

prodded him about his mother, he replied, "Well  my mother's an exotic dancer in a cabaret and takes off all her clothes in front  of men and they put money in her under-wear. Sometimes, if the offer is really  good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for  money."

The teacher,  obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on  some exercises and then took little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really  true about your mother?"

No," the boy  said, "She works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get  Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that  in front of the other kids."

 

ANOTHER BLOND JOKE ONLY SHE WINS

                 The Blond Girl Wins One!

    

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Coloradorancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the

rancher  says to Amy, "The  insemination man is coming

over to  impregnate one of  our cows, so I drove a nail into

the 2x4 just  above where the cow's stall is in the barn.  

Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"

The rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial  insemination man arrives and

knocks on the front door. 

“I came to inseminate the cow,” he said.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row

of cows, and when Amy sees  the nail, she tells him,  "This is

the one right  here." 

The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks,

"Tell me, lady, 'cause I'm dying to know. How would YOU

know that this is the right cow to be bred?"

"That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she

explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is

the nail for?"

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,

“I guess it’s to hang your pants on."

BE CAREFUL

Be careful... 

  This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:

 

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside of The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took....

 

The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was really incredible."

NOT VERY FUNNY

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane..

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat ... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

You won't believe this...

Holy **** , listen to this (48 seconds)

http://www.ourlighterside.com/2013/09/20/dr-james-d-manning-on-obama/

-- 
Have a great day 
Sir Richard James, McDonald 
KNYAZ Cte MKSJ KOC KR PhD JD LLD

ITS OK TO LAUGH

Hi All,

I sense there is a lot of concern among you and it appears that all need to have a smile...

enjoy

----- Forwarded Message -----

To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject: Fwd: Amish Magic

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a motorized cart moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. The doors opened and a young blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..... 'Go get your Mother'

It is OK to laugh now!

THE CARDIOLOGIST'S FUNERAL


This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious
cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where
he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood
behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in
awe.. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The
heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that
point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at
him, he said, "I'm so sorry... I was just thinking of my own funeralâ?¦ I'm a
gynecologist." The Priest fainted.

Voted best Joke!

Subject: How did we elect his guy?

An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work".

The German doctor says: "that's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work".

The Russian doctor says: "gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest and in 2 weeks he is looking for work".

The United States doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. Five years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart and no balls and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for work!"

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition held in Britain

--

Kevin Ryan, Ph. D.
Professor and Director Emeritus

Center for Character and Social Responsibility

Boston University

BEST JOKE OF THE YEAR...

Barack Obama has a
heart-attack and passes away.


He immediately goes to
hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do
here," says the devil.


"You are on my list
Obama, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so
I'll tell you what I'm going to do."


"I've got a few folks
here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you
have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who
leaves."


Obama thought that
sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.


In it was Ted Kennedy and
a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed.
Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing.

Such was his fate in
hell.

"No," Obama said. "I
don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do
that all day long."

The devil led him to the
door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room
full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after
time.


"No, this is no
good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in
constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,"
commented Obama.

The devil opened a
third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed,
his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a
spread-eagle pose.

Bent over him was
Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked
at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I
can handle this."


The devil smiled
and said............

"OK, Monica, you're free to
go."

While you slept...

   Late Monday night the Muslim Brother hood warned that if the United
States continues meddling in Egypt , 

Libya and other Middle East hot spots 

they intend to cut off America 's supplyof 7-11 and Motel 6 managers.

 
     If this action does not yield 

sufficient results, cab drivers will be next,followed by Dell, AT&T, and AOLcustomer service reps.
 

   Finally, if all else fails, they havethreatened to not supply us any more    presidents.