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Sunday, August 30, 2015

Donald Trump joke

So, I was walking through the mall the other day and saw that there was a Muslim bookstore. I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore
so I went in.
As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.
I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"
The clerk said, get the Hell out and stay out!
I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"

How to piss off everybody...

Politically Incorrect British Humor
It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting  in Tide washing powder to stop the coloureds from running.
Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London . Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
Following the riots in Tottenham, it's important to remind ourselves that not all black people are stereotypical liars, thieves and arsonists. Many are drug dealers.
Riots in Birmingham last month caused over £1 million worth of improvements
Muslims have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who's English. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9.
They've had to cancel the pantomime 'Jack & the Beanstalk' in Birmingham, Bristol, Oldham, Bradford, Burnley, Leicester, Manchester and London.  Apparently the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen.
Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." But, since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works great!
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque...
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there".
Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low.
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony, shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Another dumb lawyer joke...

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over
there under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also.
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"
  "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.
  They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
  Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
  The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Larry the Cable Guy solves our problems

Direct Quote from "Larry, the Cable Guy"

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in Our Country lately: Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida . .. .. . Not me -- I concentrate on solutions for the problems -- it's a win-win situation.

* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
> * Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees.
> * Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
> Think about this:
> 1. Cows
> 2. The Constitution
> 3. The Ten Commandments

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ....
> why don't we just give them ours?
> It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
> it has worked for over 200 years,
> and we're not using it anymore.

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this --
> you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal'
> 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and
> 'Thou Shall Not Lie'
> in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians,
> it creates a hostile work environment.

Also, think about this .....
> If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone --