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Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Young woman

A young Texas woman was so depressed that she decided to end her lifeby throwing herself into the Gulf, but just before she could throwherself from the docks, a handsome young Texan stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow.
I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night hewould bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make loveto her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "Hebrings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."
"I see," the captain says.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is, "replied the captain. "This is the Galveston       Ferry."

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Alabama Preacher

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.  This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.  I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.  Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?  Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory.  Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew.  Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.  I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.  I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

Life is Short.  Smile while you still have Teeth.

Give me an Amen Brother!!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


   George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.

The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies, " Since Obama took over , the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

Friday, July 6, 2012

Queen's Riddle

The Queen's Riddle

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England.  He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?" Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?" The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me." "Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisors and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer. Finally, Biden ran in to Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, "Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Sarah Palin answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!"

Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Sarah Palin!" Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

And that, my friends, is precisely what's going on at the White House

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Dr. Seuss


I do not like this Uncle Sam,

I do not like his health care scam.

I do not like these dirty crooks,

or how they lie and cook the books.

I do not like when Congress steals,

I do not like their secret deals.

I do not like ex-speaker Nan ,

I do not like this 'YES, WE CAN!'

I do not like this spending spree ---

I'm smart; I know that nothing's free.

I do not like your smug replies,

when we complain about your lies.

I do not like this kind of hope.

I do not like it --- nope, nope, nope!

Go Green รข?" recycle the White House!