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Friday, November 21, 2014

NO JOKE...

Subject: WAL-MART VS. THE MORONS..(NOT A JOKE)

This is quite interesting.
Even if you do not forward it, read it all the way to the end...
1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart Every hour of Every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target +Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people, is the world's Largest private employer, and most speak English.
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only fifteen years.
8. During this same period, 31 big supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had Five years ago.
11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences Will occur at Wal-Mart stores.(Earth's population is Approximately 6.5 Billion.)
12. 90% of all Americans live within fifteen miles of a Wal-Mart.
You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the ground work for suggesting that MAYBE we
should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart to fix the economy.
This should be read and understood by all Americans?? Democrats, Republicans, EVERYONE!!
To: President Obama and all 535 voting members of the Legislature It is now official that the majority of you are corrupt and ineffective:
a..The U.S. Postal Service was established in 1775. You have had 237 years to get it right and it is broke.
b..Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 77 years to get it right And it is broke.
c..Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 74 years to get it right and It is broke.
d.. War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 48 years to get it right;$1 Trillion of our money is confiscated each year andTransferred to "the poor"
..........And they only want more.
e.. Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 47 years to get it right and they are broke.
f..Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 42Years to get it right And it is broke.
g.. The Department of Energy was created in 1977 to lessen Our dependence on foreign oil. It has ballooned to 16,000
Employees with a budget of $24 billion a year and we Import more oil than ever before. You had 35 years to get it right and
it is an abysmal failure.
You have FAILED in every "government service" you Have shoved down our Throats while overspending our tax dollars.
AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOUCAN BE
TRUSTED WITH A GOVERNMENT-RUN HEALTH CARE
SYSTEM??
Folks, Keep this circulating. It is very well stated. Maybe it will end up in the e-mails of some
of our "duly elected' (they never read anything) and their staff will clue them in on how Americans feel.
AND We have lost our minds to "Political Correctness" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're "broke" & can't help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless etc.,? BUT -- In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti , Chile , Japan
and Turkey ..And Pakistan........previous home of Bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!
Our retired seniors living on a 'fixed income' receive no extra aid nor do they get any special breaks -- nadda beyond shopping discounts...
Now, it is estimated that 90,000 illegal alien children under the age of 16 will be in our country by the end of the year. We will feed them, provide health
and education and they will get everything a hard working American citizen gets - just for crossing the border illegally.
Obama is proposing we give millions of dollars to El Salvador, Hondouras and Guatamala to "help" the children. Do you really think this money
is going to get to the children that really need it? Meanwhile, Mexico is charging for allowing them to pass through Mexico to get to the US border,
paid for by the drug cartels. They are keeping the Border Guards busy changing diapers while the drug lords funnel tons of drugs into the
US to turn our children into zombies.
In GITMO, the 147 Muslim terrorists have one doctor for every prisoner, a state-of-the art hospital system, are provided Korans
and prayer rugs, food approved by the Koran, exercise and additional perks.
Our Veterans die waiting to see a VA doctor while the directors get bonuses.
AND Congress wants to freeze Social Security payments !
99% of people won't forward this. I'm one of the1% -- I Just Did

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

You won't believe this...



-- 
Have a great day 
Sir Richard James, McDonald 
KNYAZ Cte MKSJ KOC KR PhD JD LLD

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

ITS OK TO LAUGH

Hi All,
I sense there is a lot of concern among you and it appears that all need to have a smile...

enjoy


----- Forwarded Message -----

To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject: Fwd: Amish Magic

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a motorized cart moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. The doors opened and a young blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..... 'Go get your Mother'

It is OK to laugh now!


Sunday, November 9, 2014

HONESTY

Honesty
Yup, some people can’t handle the truth!
cid:1.26569670@web184701.mail.ne1.yahoo.com
My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."



Guess where the fuck I am now...

Saturday, November 8, 2014



THE CARDIOLOGIST'S FUNERAL


This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious
cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where
he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood
behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in
awe.. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The
heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that
point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at
him, he said, "I'm so sorry... I was just thinking of my own funeralâ?¦ I'm a
gynecologist." The Priest fainted.
The older we get....
ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken
McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true...)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the
belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they
wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code
so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired
as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' (keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they
(pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and
said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'
'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it
on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!
SIX A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had
eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the
mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. I n a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
· 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Forward this to every one you can remember right now!
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night 

THE AFFECTS OF FLUORIDE TOOTHPASTE

The older we get....
ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken
McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true...)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the
belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they
wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code
so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired
as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' (keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they
(pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and
said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'
'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it
on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!
SIX A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had
eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the
mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. I n a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
· 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Forward this to every one you can remember right now!
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night 

THE JOKE'S ON YOU...

The Clintons

Sent: Friday, October 24, 2014 3:50 PM
Subject: Fw: FW: The Clintons

Clinton's 20 Acre - $11 million mansion Read how the joke's on us!
Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator now comes under this fancy
"congressional retirement staffing plan" which means that if she never
gets re-elected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies. If Bill out-lives her, he then inherits HER salary until he dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary out-lives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies, Guess who pays for that? WE DO!
>>>>>>>> It is common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency,
they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New
York...makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense. Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover around $10,000/month. But an extra residence had to be built by
the government on the acreage to house the Secret Service Agents. Any
improvement to the property is owned by the property owners...the
Clinton's. So...the Clinton's charge the federal government $10,000 monthly rent for the use of the extra residence to house the Secret Service staff which is just about equal to their mortgage payment.
>>>>>>>> He is the ONLY ex-president to use this loophole. This means that we, the taxpayers, pay the Clinton's, salary, mortgage, transportation, safety and security as well as the salaries for their 12 man staff and it is all perfectly
legal.
>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>> When she runs for President, will you vote for her? How many people will YOU send this to?
May God supply you abundantly with His amazing grace.
blessings,
Cd