New healthcare doctor in training...

Spelling Bee Champion

My name be Eboneesha Hernandez, a African-Hispanic-American Girl who jus got a award for bein the bess speler in class. I gots a 47% on the spelin text and 38 points for being black, 10 points for not bringin drugs to class, 10 points for not bringin guns to class, and 15 points for not getting pregnut during the cemester. It be hard to beat a score of 120%

White dude sit nex to me is McGee from Jaxon Mizipy. He got a 94% on the text but no extra points on acount of he have the same skin color as the opressirs of 150 years ago. Granny ax me to thank all dimocrafts and liberuls for suportin afermative axion. You be showin da way to true eqwallity

I be gittin in medical skool nex an mabe I be yo doctor since Barrac takn over da healfcare in dis contry.=

THE AFFECTS OF FLUORIDE TOOTHPASTE

The older we get....

ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken

McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO

I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the

belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they

wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code

so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired

as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' (keep shuddering!!)

FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they

(pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and

said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'

'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it

on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the way!!

SIX A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had

eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the

mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. I n a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

· 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Forward this to every one you can remember right now!

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night 

How to make a difference in the world...

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to

"make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that
our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of
other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on
challenges that would make many of us wither.

Harold Schlumberg is such a person:

QUOTE FROM HAROLD:

"I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that
you're retired?' Well, I'm fortunate to have a Chemical
Engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most
is converting beer, wine and vodka into urine. Then I piss on a photo
of Obama! I do it every day and I really enjoy it."Harold is an inspiration to us all.

While you slept...

   Late Monday night the Muslim Brotherhood warned that if the United
States continues meddling in Egypt , Libya and other Middle East hot spots they intend to cut off America 's supply of 7-11 and Motel 6 managers.

 
     If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next,followed by Dell, AT&T, and AOL customerservice reps.
 

   Finally, if all else fails, they havethreatened to not supply us any more    presidents.

Obamacare joke

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.

When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes her clothes off, climbs on top and has her way with him.

Upon completion the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the cord is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.

While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating.
Curious, the man asks," What are they doing in there"?

The nurse responds, " They're preparing for vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross.

They have Obama Care."

Worst joke of all time...

I went to see a Muslim tribute band last night. They were called "Bomb Jovi".

They were brilliant. Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down.

Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD.

I was interested so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

Well, that was when the fight started!

Obama Care joke...

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure the nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table.

The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. 

Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vain is easier for the
surgeon to locate and sever.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient sees six men in a room masturbating.

Curious, the man asks "What are they doing in there"?

The nurse responds, "They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care.