Sad funny but true,,,

Three Contractors

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House…

One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans.  All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $9,000. That's $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,

"I can do this job for $7,000.  That's $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$27,000."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.

Remember... Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box.

NO JOKE...

Subject: WAL-MART VS. THE MORONS..(NOT A JOKE)

This is quite interesting.

Even if you do not forward it, read it all the way to the end...

1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart Every hour of Every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target +Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people, is the world's Largest private employer, and most speak English.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only fifteen years.
8. During this same period, 31 big supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had Five years ago.

11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences Will occur at Wal-Mart stores.(Earth's population is Approximately 6.5 Billion.)
12. 90% of all Americans live within fifteen miles of a Wal-Mart.

You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the ground work for suggesting that MAYBE we
should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart to fix the economy.

This should be read and understood by all Americans?? Democrats, Republicans, EVERYONE!!

To: President Obama and all 535 voting members of the Legislature It is now official that the majority of you are corrupt and ineffective:

a..The U.S. Postal Service was established in 1775. You have had 237 years to get it right and it is broke.

b..Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 77 years to get it right And it is broke.

c..Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 74 years to get it right and It is broke.

d.. War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 48 years to get it right;$1 Trillion of our money is confiscated each year andTransferred to "the poor"
..........And they only want more.
e.. Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 47 years to get it right and they are broke.

f..Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 42Years to get it right And it is broke.

g.. The Department of Energy was created in 1977 to lessen Our dependence on foreign oil. It has ballooned to 16,000
Employees with a budget of $24 billion a year and we Import more oil than ever before. You had 35 years to get it right and
it is an abysmal failure.

You have FAILED in every "government service" you Have shoved down our Throats while overspending our tax dollars.

AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOUCAN BE

TRUSTED WITH A GOVERNMENT-RUN HEALTH CARE

SYSTEM??

Folks, Keep this circulating. It is very well stated. Maybe it will end up in the e-mails of some

of our "duly elected' (they never read anything) and their staff will clue them in on how Americans feel.

AND We have lost our minds to "Political Correctness" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're "broke" & can't help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless etc.,? BUT -- In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti , Chile , Japan

and Turkey ..And Pakistan........previous home of Bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!

Our retired seniors living on a 'fixed income' receive no extra aid nor do they get any special breaks -- nadda beyond shopping discounts...

Now, it is estimated that 90,000 illegal alien children under the age of 16 will be in our country by the end of the year. We will feed them, provide health

and education and they will get everything a hard working American citizen gets - just for crossing the border illegally.

Obama is proposing we give millions of dollars to El Salvador, Hondouras and Guatamala to "help" the children. Do you really think this money

is going to get to the children that really need it? Meanwhile, Mexico is charging for allowing them to pass through Mexico to get to the US border,

paid for by the drug cartels. They are keeping the Border Guards busy changing diapers while the drug lords funnel tons of drugs into the

US to turn our children into zombies.

In GITMO, the 147 Muslim terrorists have one doctor for every prisoner, a state-of-the art hospital system, are provided Korans

and prayer rugs, food approved by the Koran, exercise and additional perks.

Our Veterans die waiting to see a VA doctor while the directors get bonuses.

AND Congress wants to freeze Social Security payments !

99% of people won't forward this. I'm one of the1% -- I Just Did

You won't believe this...

Holy **** , listen to this (48 seconds)

http://www.ourlighterside.com/2013/09/20/dr-james-d-manning-on-obama/

-- 
Have a great day 
Sir Richard James, McDonald 
KNYAZ Cte MKSJ KOC KR PhD JD LLD

How to make a difference in the world...

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to

"make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that
our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of
other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on
challenges that would make many of us wither.

Harold Schlumberg is such a person:

QUOTE FROM HAROLD:

"I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that
you're retired?' Well, I'm fortunate to have a Chemical
Engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most
is converting beer, wine and vodka into urine. Then I piss on a photo
of Obama! I do it every day and I really enjoy it."Harold is an inspiration to us all.

While you slept...

   Late Monday night the Muslim Brotherhood warned that if the United
States continues meddling in Egypt , Libya and other Middle East hot spots they intend to cut off America 's supply of 7-11 and Motel 6 managers.

 
     If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next,followed by Dell, AT&T, and AOL customerservice reps.
 

   Finally, if all else fails, they havethreatened to not supply us any more    presidents.

While you slept...

   Late Monday night the Muslim Brother hood warned that if the United
States continues meddling in Egypt , 

Libya and other Middle East hot spots 

they intend to cut off America 's supplyof 7-11 and Motel 6 managers.

 
     If this action does not yield 

sufficient results, cab drivers will be next,followed by Dell, AT&T, and AOLcustomer service reps.
 

   Finally, if all else fails, they havethreatened to not supply us any more    presidents.

ADVICE FOR WOMEN...

Occasionally, we need to be reminded as to why God made us in the first place. Some answers appear below.

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." Babe Ruth "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." Lyndon B. Johnson "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." Paul Horning "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." H. L. Mencken "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" George Bernard Shaw "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." Dave Barry BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.! W. C. Fields Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser. Professor Irwin Corey To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! Leo Durocher One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson: "Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this.. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! ; In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Henry Kroll Author of ten books: COSMOLOGICAL ICE AGES, The Frog Is cooked, SADDAM HUSSEIN AND THE SAND PIRATES, Philosopher's Stone, SPACESHIPS OF THE GODS, DIE WITH THE MOST TOYS etc... 

www.AlaskaPublishing.com
www.GuardDogBooks.com 
www.Amazon.com
www.Trafford.com
www.InfinityPublishing.com

Do you like getting older???

The Question: DO YOU LIKE GETTING OLDER???


I am forwarding this to those on my Seniors email list because it is so well written. Please send back. ( I did ) It's neat. Don't delete this one, you'll laugh when you see the return message.

As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But, broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.

So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!

Forward this to at least 7 people, and see what happens on your screen..

You will laugh your head off!!!!!!!!!!!

2-MILLION YEAR OLD MAN / APE mixture

Scientists are still trying to prove evolution is a fact while ignoring the obvious. Obviously Earth has been reseeded many times after each of six different extinctions. Evolution cannot account for the diversity of the 30-million or so different species we now have.  There were probably more like 40-million species dropped off on Earth after the flood. Since the time of Noah many of them have become extinct.  We have been looked after, nurtured and watched ever since...

JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) - A 2 million-year-old ancestor of man had a mixture of ape and human-like features that allowed it to hike vast distances on two legs with as much ease as it could scurry up trees, according to research published on Friday.

Discovered in cave near Johannesburg in 2008, the fossils of a species named "Australopithecus sediba" have given researchers clues about the evolution of man and which traits in our ancestors fell by the wayside.

Standing about 1.3 meters (4 ft) tall, sediba had a narrow rib cage similar to apes but a flexible spine more similar to that of a human. Its long arms and powerful torso helped in climbing, according to the research published in the journal Science.

Sediba's small heel resembled a chimpanzee's and it walked with an inward rotation of the knee and hip on slightly twisted feet with a flat-footed gait that would have helped it cover ground, the researchers said.

"It is the perfect compromise of something that has the need to walk on the ground efficiently for long distances. At the same time, it is a very capable climber," said Lee Berger, project leader at the Wits Evolutionary Studies Institute in South Africa.

The researchers plan further studies to see how these fossils of early human relatives known as hominin compare to other remains, to help put together the pieces of evolution.

"We have more complete specimens of fossils than for any other early hominin species that has ever been discovered. What this means is that we can make assessments of the anatomy and behavior of this species with a great deal of confidence," Berger told Reuters.

(Reporting by Jon Herskovitz; Editing by Robin Pomeroy)

Fishing story...

I knew it and saw it coming. Do not mess with snakes. They are smarter that we give them credit for.
*********

Jack Daniels Fishing Story I went fishing one morning but after a short time I ran out of prawns. Then I saw a redbelly black snake with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good barramundi bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Now the problem was how to release the snake without getting bitten. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog. A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that bloody snake, with two more frogs.

SMOKING DOG JOKE

IN RESPONSE TO ALL THE RECENT E-MAILS ABOUT OUR DOG:

PLEASE BE ADVISED, WE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING

QUESTIONS ABOUT OUR DOG!

YES, HE MAULED SIX PEOPLE WEARING OBAMA T-SHIRTS,

FOUR PEOPLE WEARING PELOSI T-SHIRTS,

TWO OTHER DEMOCRATS,

NINE TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR CRACK ,

THREE FLAG BURNERS,

AND A PAKISTANI TAXI DRIVER.

FOR THE LAST TIME... THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE !!!

WE DON'T APPROVE OF HIS SMOKING BUT HE SAYS IT TAKES THE TASTE OUT OF HIS MOUTH.