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Saturday, April 18, 2015

Hillary Clinton

A good reminder!! 
As we get closer to the 2016 election year, US citizens must remember that they cannot trust  Hillary Clinton to create  American jobs.
The last time she had a meaningful job,
she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky. ... 
 
And Monica blew it.
 

Thursday, April 9, 2015

New healthcare doctor in training...

Spelling Bee Champion

My name be Eboneesha Hernandez, a African-Hispanic-American Girl who jus got a award for bein the bess speler in class. I gots a 47% on the spelin text and 38 points for being black, 10 points for not bringin drugs to class, 10 points for not bringin guns to class, and 15 points for not getting pregnut during the cemester. It be hard to beat a score of 120%

White dude sit nex to me is McGee from Jaxon Mizipy. He got a 94% on the text but no extra points on acount of he have the same skin color as the opressirs of 150 years ago. Granny ax me to thank all dimocrafts and liberuls for suportin afermative axion. You be showin da way to true eqwallity

I be gittin in medical skool nex an mabe I be yo doctor since Barrac takn over da healfcare in dis contry.=

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

DEMOCRAT JOKE

My Mommy The  Dancer.
  
One day a  fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers did for a  living.
All the  typical answers came up -- teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor,  lawyer, and so forth.
However,  little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the  teacher  
prodded him about his mother, he replied, "Well  my mother's an exotic dancer in a cabaret and takes off all her clothes in front  of men and they put money in her under-wear. Sometimes, if the offer is really  good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for  money."
The teacher,  obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on  some exercises and then took little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really  true about your mother?"
No," the boy  said, "She works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get  Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that  in front of the other kids."
 

Friday, April 3, 2015

HOW TO START A FIGHT


HOW TO START A FIGHT 

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift 
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. 
When she asked me why, I replied, 
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" 
And that's how the fight started..... 
________________________________ 
 
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. 
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 
'No,' she answered. 
I then said,'Is that your final answer?' 
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' 
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." 
And that's when the fight started... 
________________________________ 
 
I took my wife to a restaurant. 
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." 
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" 
"Nah, she can order for herself." 
And that's when the fight started..... 
______________________________
 
My wife at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunk swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?" 
"Yes", she sighed, he's my old boyfriend. He began drinking right after we split up years ago, and hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" 
And then the fight started... 
________________________________ 
 
When our lawn mower broke my wife kept nagging me to get it fixed. But, I always had something else to take care of. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
I found her seated in the tall, unmowed grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." 
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. 
______________________________ 
 
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. 
She asked, "What's on TV?" 
I said, "Lots of dust." 
And then the fight started... 
________________________________ 
 
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. 
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2 seconds." 
I bought her a bathroom scale. 
And then the fight started...... 
______________________________ 
 
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for benefits. 
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. 
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left it at home. I told the woman I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver chest hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started... 
________________________________ 
 
My wife was standing naked, looking in the bedroom mirror. 
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, 
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." 
That's when the fight began . . . 
________________________________ 
 
I rear-ended a car this morning . . . 
the start of a really bad day! 
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! 
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' 
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'