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Monday, May 30, 2016

Another Donald Trump joke

A Mexican, a Muslim, and Donald Trump Are Walking Down a Beach…

An illegal Mexican immigrant, a radical Muslim, and Donald Trump were walking together on a beach in Florida when the Mexican stumbled over a bottle in the sand.

He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and a genie appeared.

“I can only grant three wishes,” the genie said.

“Since there are three of you, you may have a wish each.”

Pointing at the Mexican, he said, “Since you found the bottle, you may have the first wish.”
The Mexican said, “This country is racist against my people! I wish to take everyone of Mexican descent back to our homeland where we can finally be happy and live in peace!”

The genie clapped his hand and the illegal Mexican immigrant was transported to Mexico will millions of “his” people.
Turning to the radical Muslim, the genie asked, “And what is your wish?”

The radical Muslim said, “This country is bigoted against those who practice Islam! I wish to take all of my people away from this horrible place loaded with infidels so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve Allah.”

This genie clapped his hands and the radical Muslim, along with every other Muslim in the country, was instantly transported to the Middle East.

Turning to Donald Trump, the genie asked, “And what is your wish?”

Trump looked around at the empty beach, smiled, and said, 

Just give me a Pepsi. It doesn’t get any better than this!

Monday, December 21, 2015

Dear Abby

My husband hasn`t worked for the last 14 years . All he does is get dressed
in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies . I know he`s
cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his grand daughters .
I know because he brags about this to me  . He smokes fancy cigars and
drinks the most expensive Champagne day and night .
We sleep in separate beds because he`s always telling me he knows I`m a lesbian and my varicose veins and hairy back turn him off !
Should I clobber him with my frying pan, or should I leave him , Abby ?
Your advice would be appreciated .....
Mad as Hell
Dear Mad as Hell,
You don`t have to take that kind of treatment from any man . I suggest you
pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p!   
Don`t resort to clobbering him with the frying pan , and try to act like a lady !
Remember ....... you`re running for President of the United States , so try
acting like one !


Friday, October 30, 2015


Subject: Fw: Fwd: Ten reasons to vote Democrat by Letterman
> Ten reasons to vote Democrat by
> Letterman
> #10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now
> marry
> whatever I want. I've decided to marry my German
> Shepherd.
> #9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of
> 4% on a gallon
> of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon
> at 15% isn't.
> #8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a
> better
> job of spending the money I earn than I
> would.
> #7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long
> as
> nobody is offended by it.
> #6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a
> gun,
> and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from
> murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service
> that gets
> police to your home in order to identify your body after a home
> invasion.
> #5. I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of
> babies
> being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and
> comfy.
> #4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right
> to
> free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should
> take away Social Security from those who paid into
> it.
> #3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not
> be
> allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give
> the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees
> it.
> #2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to
> rewrite
> the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never
> get their agendas past the voters.
> … And, the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's
> better to
> pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own
> because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here
> in
> America. We
> don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those
> other
> countries.
> "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has
> its
> limits"… Albert Einstein
> I know you all will appreciate this
> definition.
> The best description of Obamacare so
> far:
> Remember when Nancy Pelosi said: “We have to pass it, to find
> out
> what's in it."
> A physician called into a radio show and said: "That's
> the
> definition of a stool sample."

Friday, October 16, 2015


Well, I guess it just had to come to this sooner or later!
A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"  

He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."


A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.  

It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".  

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.  


A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"  

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.  

"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"  


A blond man is in jail; the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.  

"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.  

"Hanging myself", the blond replies.  

"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.  

"I tried that", he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".  


An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blond man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."  


A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year".  

The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th".  


Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.  

One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"  

The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."  


A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."  

To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you, because I wasn't even at home yesterday!”

Wednesday, October 7, 2015


Gotta Love this Policeman
A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.
The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.
When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"
Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.
Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."
Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?" 
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir." 
"Aggressive and hostile?" 
"Yes, Sir.
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"
Well, sir, you know your client better than I do. 
How often can one get an attorney to incriminate his own client?

Sunday, September 6, 2015



TIDE LEVELS FALLING 3-FEET IN 100-YEARS. Its about big corporations making billions constructing sea walls etc.. and taking money from you. 

Mean Sea Level Trend
9455500 Seldovia, Alaska

The mean sea level trend is -10.24 millimeters/year with a 95% confidence
interval of +/- 0.82 mm/yr based on monthly mean sea level data from
1964 to 2014 which is equivalent to a change of -3.36 feet in 100 years.

Mean Sea Level Trend
9455760 Nikiski, Alaska
Top of Form

The mean sea level trend is -10.52 millimeters/year with a 95% confidence
interval of +/- 1.11 mm/yr based on monthly mean sea level data from
1973 to 2014 which is equivalent to a change of -3.45 feet in 100 years
Bottom of Form

Mean Sea Level Trend
9457292 Kodiak Island, Alaska
Top of Form

The mean sea level trend is -10.77 millimeters/year with a 95% confidence
interval of +/- 0.91 mm/yr based on monthly mean sea level data from
1975 to 2014 which is equivalent to a change of -3.53 feet in 100 years.

FYI CO2 is a trace gas at .033% of our Atmosphere. If humans could some how double it would be .066% and still be a trace gas necessary to grow food.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Donald Trump joke

So, I was walking through the mall the other day and saw that there was a Muslim bookstore. I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore
so I went in.
As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.
I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"
The clerk said, get the Hell out and stay out!
I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"