WHY TO VOTE DEMOCRAT

Subject: Fw: Fwd: Ten reasons to vote Democrat by Letterman
>
>
>
>
> THESE ARE GREAT AND RIGHT ON
> TARGET!
>
>
> Ten reasons to vote Democrat by
> Letterman
>
>
> #10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now
> marry
> whatever I want. I've decided to marry my German
> Shepherd.
>
>
> #9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of
> 4% on a gallon
> of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon
> at 15% isn't.
>
>
> #8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a
> better
> job of spending the money I earn than I
> would.
>
>
> #7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long
> as
> nobody is offended by it.
>
>
> #6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a
> gun,
> and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from
> murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service
> that gets
> police to your home in order to identify your body after a home
> invasion.
>
>
> #5. I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of
> babies
> being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and
> comfy.
>
>
> #4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right
> to
> free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should
> take away Social Security from those who paid into
> it.
>
>
> #3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not
> be
> allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give
> the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees
> it.
>
>
> #2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to
> rewrite
> the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never
> get their agendas past the voters.
>
>
>
> … And, the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's
> better to
> pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own
> because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here
> in
> America. We
> don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those
> other
> countries.
>
>
> "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has
> its
> limits"… Albert Einstein
>
>
> I know you all will appreciate this
> definition.
>
> The best description of Obamacare so
> far:
>
> Remember when Nancy Pelosi said: “We have to pass it, to find
> out
> what's in it."
>
> A physician called into a radio show and said: "That's
> the
> definition of a stool sample."

Donald Trump joke

So, I was walking through the mall the other day and saw that there was a Muslim bookstore. I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore so I went in.   As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.   I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"   The clerk said, get the Hell out and stay out!   I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"

How to piss off everybody...

Politically Incorrect British Humor

 

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It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting  in Tide washing powder to stop the coloureds from running.

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Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London . Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

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Following the riots in Tottenham, it's important to remind ourselves that not all black people are stereotypical liars, thieves and arsonists. Many are drug dealers.

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Riots in Birmingham last month caused over £1 million worth of improvements

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Muslims have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who's English. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9.

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They've had to cancel the pantomime 'Jack & the Beanstalk' in Birmingham, Bristol, Oldham, Bradford, Burnley, Leicester, Manchester and London.  Apparently the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen.

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Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." But, since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works great!

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Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque...

They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.

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During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.

A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there".

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Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.

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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low.

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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony, shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

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Italian confession

 Subject: Italian Confession.

 

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession in 1960. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
 
 The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."

 

 "There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."
> The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

 

 "Thank you, Father. That is a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."

 

 "And what is that?" asked the priest.

 

 "Should I tell her the war is over?''
 

ANOTHER BLOND JOKE ONLY SHE WINS

                 The Blond Girl Wins One!

    

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Coloradorancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the

rancher  says to Amy, "The  insemination man is coming

over to  impregnate one of  our cows, so I drove a nail into

the 2x4 just  above where the cow's stall is in the barn.  

Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"

The rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial  insemination man arrives and

knocks on the front door. 

“I came to inseminate the cow,” he said.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row

of cows, and when Amy sees  the nail, she tells him,  "This is

the one right  here." 

The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks,

"Tell me, lady, 'cause I'm dying to know. How would YOU

know that this is the right cow to be bred?"

"That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she

explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is

the nail for?"

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,

“I guess it’s to hang your pants on."

President solution to air travel.

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- t hey don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush or Obama think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton