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Friday, October 30, 2015


Subject: Fw: Fwd: Ten reasons to vote Democrat by Letterman
> Ten reasons to vote Democrat by
> Letterman
> #10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now
> marry
> whatever I want. I've decided to marry my German
> Shepherd.
> #9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of
> 4% on a gallon
> of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon
> at 15% isn't.
> #8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a
> better
> job of spending the money I earn than I
> would.
> #7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long
> as
> nobody is offended by it.
> #6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a
> gun,
> and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from
> murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service
> that gets
> police to your home in order to identify your body after a home
> invasion.
> #5. I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of
> babies
> being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and
> comfy.
> #4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right
> to
> free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should
> take away Social Security from those who paid into
> it.
> #3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not
> be
> allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give
> the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees
> it.
> #2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to
> rewrite
> the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never
> get their agendas past the voters.
> … And, the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's
> better to
> pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own
> because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here
> in
> America. We
> don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those
> other
> countries.
> "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has
> its
> limits"… Albert Einstein
> I know you all will appreciate this
> definition.
> The best description of Obamacare so
> far:
> Remember when Nancy Pelosi said: “We have to pass it, to find
> out
> what's in it."
> A physician called into a radio show and said: "That's
> the
> definition of a stool sample."

Friday, October 16, 2015


Well, I guess it just had to come to this sooner or later!
A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"  

He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."


A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.  

It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".  

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.  


A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"  

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.  

"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"  


A blond man is in jail; the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.  

"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.  

"Hanging myself", the blond replies.  

"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.  

"I tried that", he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".  


An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blond man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."  


A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year".  

The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th".  


Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.  

One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"  

The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."  


A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."  

To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you, because I wasn't even at home yesterday!”

Wednesday, October 7, 2015


Gotta Love this Policeman
A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.
The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.
When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"
Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.
Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."
Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?" 
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir." 
"Aggressive and hostile?" 
"Yes, Sir.
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"
Well, sir, you know your client better than I do. 
How often can one get an attorney to incriminate his own client?