THREE JOKES

A wonderful story from Bayou Cane

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Boudreaux, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.

His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him for paintings.

One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a limo.

She asked Boudreaux if he would paint her in the nude.

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This was the first time anyone had made this request.

The beautiful lady said money was no object.

She was willing to pay $50,000.

Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife Clothilde, Boudreaux asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with his wife.

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In a few minutes he returned and told the lady he was willing to do it, however, he would have to leave his socks on so he would have some place to wipe his brushes.

The Train

 A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

  She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks'.

The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.

When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.' Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,

  'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take

all of your belongings with you.

  We thank you for traveling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'

  She hears the little boy continue,

  'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.

  We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'

  As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

  'For those of you, who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen.

Late Life Marriage

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" 

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds"

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

Pharmacist: "Sure."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."