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Saturday, February 18, 2012

The jokes on us.


>The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
> That leaves 140 million to do the work.
> There are 85 million in school which leaves 55 million to do the work.
> Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
> Leaving 20 million to do the work.
> 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
> Which leaves 17.2  million to do the work.
> Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city
> Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
> At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
> Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
> Now, there are 1,211,998 people
> in prisons.
> That leaves just two people to do the
> work.
> You and me.

Grandma's Boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

The minister fainted..

Pub Talk
"As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "at my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true.

"Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

 I  just took a leaflet out of my letterbox, informing me that there's no reason I can't have good sex at 66!
I am so happy, because I live at no. 55..... so it's not far to walk home afterwards

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