LAWYER SCREWS UP

Gotta Love this Policeman         A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!   So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.   The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.   When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.   The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"   Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.   On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.   Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"   Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."   Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"   "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."   "What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"    "Aggressive and hostile, Sir."    "Aggressive and hostile?"    "Yes, Sir.   "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"   Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.  How often can one get an attorney to incriminate his own client?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saddest Cities

America's Saddest Cities Are Nothing to Cry About

Posted by Amy Reiter

on December 6, 2011 at 9:00 AM

It's hard to know how much a person's mood is determined by the city in which they live. But many of us can point to cities that make us happy (in my case, New York, Baltimore, Chicago) and cities that make us sad (I wept almost every day of the 10 months I lived in another city I won't name). The funny thing is, what makes a city a happy or sad place for someone is often deeply personal. And sometimes, even in a city that might seem to lend itself to the blues, there are compensating factors, things you can find there that may just cheer you right up: The weather in Seattle may be gloomy, for example, but you can always get a mood boost from that great coffee!

Anyhow, Men's Health recently came up with its list of the saddest cities in America, basing its rankings on suicide and unemployment rates, the percentage of households in which someone is on antidepressants, and the number of people who say they feel down either all or most of the time.

The results may surprise you, as they did me.

For instance, even though Florida is super-sunny, it's also apparently super-sad, with three cities in the top 10. The very pretty St. Petersburg, Florida, in fact, ranks atop Men's Health's list as the Saddest City in America. I know the people who live there can't feel very happy about that!

Here's the whole top 10:

St. Petersburg, FL

Detroit, MI

Memphis, TN

Tampa, FL

Louisville, KY

St. Louis, MO

Birmingham, AL

Miami, FL

Reno, NV

Las Vegas, NV

Perhaps the sad people living in these cities will cheer up now that their misery has been validated. If not, and they want to make a change for the cheerier, they could always move to one of the cities on Men's Health's related list of "blues-proof" cities. Top of that list -- Honolulu, Hawaii. Aloha, happiness!

Do you think the city you live in can affect your mood?