OBAMA JOKE

Obama, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a well-known psychic about the date of his death.

Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds the answer: “You will die on a Jewish holiday.”

“Which one?'” Obama asks nervously.

“It doesn’t matter.” replied the psychic.

“Whenever you die, it’ll become a Jewish holiday.”

BE CAREFUL

Be careful... 

  This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:

 

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside of The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took....

 

The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was really incredible."

PILOT JOKE

 This is Air Traffic Control-------

This is the story of the blond flying in a two-seater airplane with
just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies.

She, frantically calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help
me! My pilot had a heart attack and he's dead and I don't know how to
fly."

Help me!  Please help me!”

She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control,
retired Marine fighter pilot, and I have you loud and clear. I will
talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot
of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath.
Everything will be fine!"

"Now give me your height and position.”

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Obama.”
"O.K." says the voice on the radio...."Repeat after me: Our Father,
who art in heaven.....".