WOMEN AND MATH

This is cute...

 

This man knows WOMEN, and he knows MATH . . . . He writes:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut 
right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the 
shoulder to avoid hitting her

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window 
and gave the woman the finger.

'Man, that guy is stupid,' I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and 
wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, 
and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I 
pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or 
unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have 
seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons 
and this number is increasing.

That means EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female who has a 
lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously 
considered both suicide and homicide, has PMS, and is armed!

Give her the finger...I don't think so!!!

NOT VERY FUNNY

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane..

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat ... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

Freaky History...

Freaky BIBLE history.

“The God of Moses and Abraham was an ancient reptilian bird ‘headed’ god. This is Horus another name for Tammuz which is the eye in the Illuminati triangle on the dollar bill. Some of the Gods pictured in the ancient Sumerian carvings and wall reliefs have bird-of-prey-like, heads with a beak. He also carried a water bucket.

Giants or Nephilim the Fallen Ones were commonly 8 feet tall, however some were up to 18 feet. Goliath a remnant giant was only 9.5 feet tall. They lived hundreds of years and interbred with humans. YHWH was explicit in keeping the Ten Commandments. The first four of the Ten Commandments pertain to worshiping the one rather egocentric God. He wanted their complete devotion or else.

The following is a copy of the illegal, federally-outlawed 10 commandments of God!

1.        Thou shall have no other gods before me.

2.        Thou shall not make unto thee any graven image.

3.        Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

4.        Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy.

5.        Honor thy father and thy mother.

6.        Thou shall not kill.

7.        Thou shall not commit adultery.

8.        Thou shall not steal.

9.        Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

10. Thou shall not covet anything that is thy neighbor’s.

In Exodus when Moses sent the two young Hebrews out to spy on the Promised Land they walked among the giants. Reporting back to Moses they said, “We were like grasshoppers among them” meaning they were small in stature compared to the giants. They were greatly afraid, saying, “The land eateth up the people.” Apparently the giants were beaming people and livestock off the Earth to some other planet. This is done using the interdimensional, white-powder-of-gold or ORME gold.

They Nephilim were a very advanced race of people who came here to mine gold. The workers they brought with them rebelled to they created the human race from indigenous, Neanderthal specie to mine the gold. Scientists examining the much heavier Neanderthal skeletons determined that the five-foot tall Neanderthal could easily lift 2000 pounds. Did they help create the pyramids?

What people don’t realize is that Earth has lost most of its atmosphere down from 300 PSI during the Carboniferous Era with a 15% CO2 to 100 PSI in the Jurassic and now 14.5 pounds per square inch at sea level. All that CO2 carbon was laid down as coal, oil and limestone with photosynthesis. If you could extrapolate all the carbon back into the atmosphere you would have a high pressure atmosphere. For aliens to live on this planet and breathe today’s rarified atmosphere required them to genetic engineer of a human with a large lung capacity.  

Marduk the son of Enki was born on Nebru. Enki’s other son Thoth who was born on Earth. Two hundred fifty-thousand years ago Enki and Mauri (Mary) created modern man as slaves to mine their gold in South Africa. Two archeologists are currently uncovering a city the size of London and Los Angeles combined.  It is buried under twenty feet of gravel thrown up by the great flood of Noah.

The first modern humans were created by invitro fertilization. It took many try’s to perfect the first man. Many of them had to be destroyed before they had the first man that could interbreed. Mauri (Mary) donated her eggs and with the help of sperm from indigenous species they created Adam. Using some of Adams DNA from a rib bone they created a female that could successfully mate with him.

The god of Moses was YHWH with no vowels as the reptilian (spelling error) gods had a hard pallet and couldn't pronounce vowels. (These are hybrid humans half Fallen Angel half Human. Some are chimera; half animal half human. Similar to UFO entities today which are being bred in underground complexes like area 51 where this research was started from Hitler’s work in Germany. Hitler was a Nephilim Ashkenazi Jew in Germany.

The original Hebrew language was like the Star Trek), Klingon. It had no vowels and was the language of the gods. To make sense out of it the humans had to insert vowels so YHWH became YEAWEH... In Exodus had to erect a large portable tent made of twenty-foot long by 2-foot wide cedar planks for him every night. They couldn't watch him eat or look upon his face because the people would see what he looked like. He probably wore a burka when walking outside to keep the humans from seeing how he looked.

YHWH had a flying machine that emitted smoke in the day time and fire at night as he flew ahead leading the way to the land of Median. This is talked about in Exodus.

To feed him: when they ran out of goats or lambs and had to sacrifice one of their children--as in the Abraham story. Grow up people open your eyes and grow a brain.

The Moon has not been up there billions of years as mainstream history would have you believe. Ancient Greek writings talked about a time when there was no Moon and people lived in the mountains and ate acorns. Type IN THE BEGINNING into Google and read the little 100-page book translated from Greek and other languages by Immanuel Velikovski.

Everyone lived for hundreds of years before the worldwide cataclysm triggered by bringing in the Moon tilting Earth. The impact of 700 terra-megatons tilted Earth 23.5 degrees taking it out of the Ice Age. The Anunnaki needed to tilt Earth in order to thaw the ice caps back about 1,800 miles both north and south. This uncovered more area for them to mine gold. The impact of the moon hitting the Arctic Ocean caused much internal pressure releasing the fountains of the deep covering continents with water.

The extreme pressure of 700 terramegatons depressed Earth’s crust five kilometers with a crater one-third the diameter of the Moon creating the Arctic Ocean. The impact exterminated all the camels, horses and mastodons in North America and piled up heaps of bones on the Kamchatcka Peninsula. The resultant force of the impact cause the fountains of the deep to well upward. Huge tidal waves 1000’s of feet high covered most of the continents. Parts of South America around lake Titicaca were elevated over ten thousand feet from sea level. The entire continent of Antarctica was elevated several thousand feet as the force of the impact was transmitted around the core of the Earth.

Here’s where it gets really freaky. The Masonic survey of Washington, DC reveals the head of a giant bird or owl

“The Egyptian hierogram for the star Sirius consists of three shapes: a five-pointed star, an oval, and an obelisk. Amazingly, this is just what we find in stone in WashingtonD.C. The entire city is dedicated astromantically to the star Sirius and its occult deities. Astrology is good enough for the ruling Plutocrats it seems. Pity that when the ordinary person seeks to use the divination arts for their own personal physical and spiritual empowerment, they are considered freaks and devil-worshippers.” -David Ovason, “Secret Architecture of Our Nation’s Capitol.”

Once a year the ruling elite of the world have a secret meeting at Bohemian Grove near San Francisco, California. Only the rulers of the world are let inside the locked gate. Famed radio commentator, Alex Jones allegedly gained access to Bohemian Grove during one of those meetings and witnessed the sacrifice or mock sacrifice of a child to a stature of a giant bird or owl. 

I didn't say I didn't believe in God. In an infinite Universe there are probably an infinite number of gods. I believe some ET’s come here to watch over mankind and will help us if we ask them. Organized religion was invented to control the slaves and weak minded. 

I wrote a book more than 20-years ago titled Philosophers Stone. Its about ORMES, orbitally rearranged monatomic elements respond to brain waves and we probably use them for brain synapse. This material responds to prayer and can manifest all your desires. 

We also use them for cell division in that due to their low atomic bonding the mitochondria use them to make the proper elements to make energy for complete cell division. ORMUS was carried in the Ark of the Covenant and put into the priest bread for the priests and pharaohs. The common people didn't get this inter-dimensional mineral supplement.

I also don't believe in the "big Bang; creation event. The deep field Hubble pictures show fully formed galaxies. Einstein secretly didn't subscribe to the Big Bang creation event either. He had to go along with it or be sent back to Germany where they were killing Jews.

The Big Bang theory was invented by a Catholic monk Lemetre? in 1926 and Edwin Hubble put some math behind it in 1928. In my book I quoted Stephen talking about an infinite no boundary universe. If such a thing exists then there are an infinite number of civilizations that we would consider to be Gods...

I am convinced that there are civilizations that can live in other timeless dimensions. Given the ageless and endless universe there would be civilizations that can live in space indefinitely without the need for a planet. They would nave no interest in coming down to Earth to mingle with the natives. Have you seen the sun divers on youtube?
Giant spaceships dive into the sun to gather energy and come back out again. They have to be the size of a small moon. How many people could live inside such a craft?

Note the two stars and a moon on the ancient Iraq marker stone.

According to ancient Sumerian documents the Anunnaki came here in spaceships filled with water in a voyage that lasted eight years. This makes sense because water in a non-compressible liquid that would protect them from micrometeorites.

After eight years of being cooped up in a tiny craft it’s no wonder that upon arriving on Earth they found the native women attractive and took them as wives. It’s in your Bible...

We have them to thank for the ten commandments which are also written in the Egyptian Book of the Dead. According to the Greeks the Oonaes came up out of the ocean to teach mankind. Ancient carvings and drawings depict them as aquatic life forms. Along with Thoth the Egyptian (Hermes) we have them to thank for mathematics, writing, healing, architecture and practically everything we have in our our so-called modern civilization.

PS, The large skulls have a cranium capacity of over 2000 CC's while humans have between 800 to 1100 CC's. They are not human as they lack the hinges that allow the skull to pass easily through the birth canal.

www.GuardDogBooks.com

www.AlaskaPublishing.com

Sad funny but true,,,

Three Contractors

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House…

One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans.  All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $9,000. That's $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,

"I can do this job for $7,000.  That's $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$27,000."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.

Remember... Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box.

NO JOKE...

Subject: WAL-MART VS. THE MORONS..(NOT A JOKE)

This is quite interesting.

Even if you do not forward it, read it all the way to the end...

1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart Every hour of Every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.

4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target +Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people, is the world's Largest private employer, and most speak English.

6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger and Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only fifteen years.
8. During this same period, 31 big supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had Five years ago.

11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences Will occur at Wal-Mart stores.(Earth's population is Approximately 6.5 Billion.)
12. 90% of all Americans live within fifteen miles of a Wal-Mart.

You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the ground work for suggesting that MAYBE we
should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart to fix the economy.

This should be read and understood by all Americans?? Democrats, Republicans, EVERYONE!!

To: President Obama and all 535 voting members of the Legislature It is now official that the majority of you are corrupt and ineffective:

a..The U.S. Postal Service was established in 1775. You have had 237 years to get it right and it is broke.

b..Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 77 years to get it right And it is broke.

c..Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 74 years to get it right and It is broke.

d.. War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 48 years to get it right;$1 Trillion of our money is confiscated each year andTransferred to "the poor"
..........And they only want more.
e.. Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 47 years to get it right and they are broke.

f..Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 42Years to get it right And it is broke.

g.. The Department of Energy was created in 1977 to lessen Our dependence on foreign oil. It has ballooned to 16,000
Employees with a budget of $24 billion a year and we Import more oil than ever before. You had 35 years to get it right and
it is an abysmal failure.

You have FAILED in every "government service" you Have shoved down our Throats while overspending our tax dollars.

AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOUCAN BE

TRUSTED WITH A GOVERNMENT-RUN HEALTH CARE

SYSTEM??

Folks, Keep this circulating. It is very well stated. Maybe it will end up in the e-mails of some

of our "duly elected' (they never read anything) and their staff will clue them in on how Americans feel.

AND We have lost our minds to "Political Correctness" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're "broke" & can't help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless etc.,? BUT -- In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti , Chile , Japan

and Turkey ..And Pakistan........previous home of Bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!

Our retired seniors living on a 'fixed income' receive no extra aid nor do they get any special breaks -- nadda beyond shopping discounts...

Now, it is estimated that 90,000 illegal alien children under the age of 16 will be in our country by the end of the year. We will feed them, provide health

and education and they will get everything a hard working American citizen gets - just for crossing the border illegally.

Obama is proposing we give millions of dollars to El Salvador, Hondouras and Guatamala to "help" the children. Do you really think this money

is going to get to the children that really need it? Meanwhile, Mexico is charging for allowing them to pass through Mexico to get to the US border,

paid for by the drug cartels. They are keeping the Border Guards busy changing diapers while the drug lords funnel tons of drugs into the

US to turn our children into zombies.

In GITMO, the 147 Muslim terrorists have one doctor for every prisoner, a state-of-the art hospital system, are provided Korans

and prayer rugs, food approved by the Koran, exercise and additional perks.

Our Veterans die waiting to see a VA doctor while the directors get bonuses.

AND Congress wants to freeze Social Security payments !

99% of people won't forward this. I'm one of the1% -- I Just Did

You won't believe this...

Holy **** , listen to this (48 seconds)

http://www.ourlighterside.com/2013/09/20/dr-james-d-manning-on-obama/

-- 
Have a great day 
Sir Richard James, McDonald 
KNYAZ Cte MKSJ KOC KR PhD JD LLD

ITS OK TO LAUGH

Hi All,

I sense there is a lot of concern among you and it appears that all need to have a smile...

enjoy

----- Forwarded Message -----

To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject: Fwd: Amish Magic

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a motorized cart moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. The doors opened and a young blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..... 'Go get your Mother'

It is OK to laugh now!

HONESTY

Honesty

Yup, some people can’t handle the truth!

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where the fuck I am now...

THE CARDIOLOGIST'S FUNERAL


This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious
cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where
he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood
behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in
awe.. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The
heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that
point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at
him, he said, "I'm so sorry... I was just thinking of my own funeralâ?¦ I'm a
gynecologist." The Priest fainted.

The older we get....

ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken

McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO

I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the

belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they

wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code

so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired

as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' (keep shuddering!!)

FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they

(pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and

said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'

'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it

on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the way!!

SIX A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had

eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the

mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. I n a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

· 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Forward this to every one you can remember right now!

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night