MEXICAN JUSTICE

Three women went down to Mexico to celebrate college graduation. They got drunk and woke up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."

 

They throw the switch and NOTHING HAPPENS! They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

 

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from Indiana University School of Law, and I believe in the power of Justice to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and again, nothing happens AGAIN.  immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

 

The last one, a blonde (you knew it), is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of West Virginia and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug that thing in.

__._,_.___

WOMEN AND MATH

This is cute...

 

This man knows WOMEN, and he knows MATH . . . . He writes:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut 
right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the 
shoulder to avoid hitting her

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window 
and gave the woman the finger.

'Man, that guy is stupid,' I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and 
wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, 
and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I 
pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or 
unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have 
seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons 
and this number is increasing.

That means EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female who has a 
lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously 
considered both suicide and homicide, has PMS, and is armed!

Give her the finger...I don't think so!!!

Truth humor...

This might be meant for humor, but there is a lot of truth here!

Translation:

CALIFORNIA	WYOMING
Arsenal of Weapons	Gun Collection
Delicate Wetlands	Swamp
Undocumented Worker	Illegal Alien
Cruelty-Free Materials	Synthetic Fiber
Assault and Battery	Attitude Adjustment
Heavily Armed	Well-protected
Narrow-minded	Righteous
Taxes or Your Fair Share	Coerced Theft
Commonsense Gun Control	Gun Confiscation Plot
Illegal Hazardous Explosives	Fireworks for Stump Removal
Non-viable Tissue Mass	Unborn Baby
Equal Access to Opportunity	Socialism
Multicultural Community	High Crime Area
Fairness or Social Progress	Marxism
Upper Class or "The Rich"	Self-Employed
Progressive, Change	Big Government Scheme
Homeless or Disadvantaged	Bums or Welfare Leeches
Sniper Rifle	Scoped Deer Rifle
Investment For the Future	Higher Taxes
Healthcare Reform	Socialized Medicine
Extremist, Judgmental, or Hater	Conservative
Truants	Homeschoolers
Victim or Oppressed	Criminal or Lazy Good-For-Nothing
High Capacity Magazine	Standard Capacity Magazine
Religious Zealot	Church-going
Reintroduced Wolves	Sheep and Elk Killers
Fair Trade Coffee	Overpriced Yuppie Coffee
Exploiters or "The Rich"	Employed or Land Owner
The Gun Lobby	NRA Members
Assault Weapon	Semi-Auto (Grandpa's M1 Carbine)
Fiscal Stimulus	New Taxes and Higher Taxes

Mandated Eco-Friendly Lighting

Chinese Mercury-Laden Light Bulbs

Accepted Facts Bullshit   

Very funny...

Subject: Funny Stuff....but some truth to California's way of thinking!

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog on a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

2. He calls animal control . Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to a hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while the Fish & Game Commission conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.

*********************************************************************

The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.