You won't believe this...

Holy **** , listen to this (48 seconds)

http://www.ourlighterside.com/2013/09/20/dr-james-d-manning-on-obama/

-- 
Have a great day 
Sir Richard James, McDonald 
KNYAZ Cte MKSJ KOC KR PhD JD LLD

ITS OK TO LAUGH

Hi All,

I sense there is a lot of concern among you and it appears that all need to have a smile...

enjoy

----- Forwarded Message -----

To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject: Fwd: Amish Magic

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a motorized cart moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. The doors opened and a young blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..... 'Go get your Mother'

It is OK to laugh now!

HONESTY

Honesty

Yup, some people can’t handle the truth!

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where the fuck I am now...

THE CARDIOLOGIST'S FUNERAL


This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious
cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where
he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood
behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in
awe.. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The
heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that
point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at
him, he said, "I'm so sorry... I was just thinking of my own funeralâ?¦ I'm a
gynecologist." The Priest fainted.

The older we get....

ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken

McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO

I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the

belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they

wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code

so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired

as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' (keep shuddering!!)

FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they

(pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and

said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'

'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it

on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the way!!

SIX A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had

eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the

mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. I n a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

· 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Forward this to every one you can remember right now!

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night 

THE AFFECTS OF FLUORIDE TOOTHPASTE

The older we get....

ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken

McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO

I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the

belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they

wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code

so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired

as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' (keep shuddering!!)

FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they

(pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and

said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'

'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it

on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the way!!

SIX A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had

eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the

mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't laugh.....it is all true...

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. I n a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

· 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Forward this to every one you can remember right now!

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night 

THE JOKE'S ON YOU...

The Clintons

Sent: Friday, October 24, 2014 3:50 PM
Subject: Fw: FW: The Clintons

Clinton's 20 Acre - $11 million mansion Read how the joke's on us!

Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator now comes under this fancy

"congressional retirement staffing plan" which means that if she never

gets re-elected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies. If Bill out-lives her, he then inherits HER salary until he dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary out-lives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies, Guess who pays for that? WE DO!

>>>>>>>> It is common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency,

they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New

York...makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense. Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover around $10,000/month. But an extra residence had to be built by

the government on the acreage to house the Secret Service Agents. Any

improvement to the property is owned by the property owners...the

Clinton's. So...the Clinton's charge the federal government $10,000 monthly rent for the use of the extra residence to house the Secret Service staff which is just about equal to their mortgage payment.

>>>>>>>> He is the ONLY ex-president to use this loophole. This means that we, the taxpayers, pay the Clinton's, salary, mortgage, transportation, safety and security as well as the salaries for their 12 man staff and it is all perfectly

legal.

>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>> When she runs for President, will you vote for her? How many people will YOU send this to?

May God supply you abundantly with His amazing grace.

blessings,

Cd