SUSHI

ICE CREAM SINGS

Subject: CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM

One day I had lunch with some friends. Jim, a short, balding golfer type about 80 years old, came along with them---all in all, a pleasant bunch. When the menus were presented, we ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Jim who said, "Ice Cream, please. Two scoops, chocolate. I wasn't sure my ears heard right, and the others were aghast. "Along with heated apple pie," Jim added, completely unabashed. We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time.. But when our orders were brought out, I didn't enjoy mine. I couldn't take my eyes off Jim as his pie a-la-mode went down. The other guys couldn't believe it. They ate their lunches silently and grinned. The next time I went out to eat, I called and invited Jim. I lunched on white meat tuna. He ordered a parfait. I smiled. He asked if he amused me I answered, "Yes, you do, but also you confuse me. How come you order rich desserts, while I feel I must be sensible? He laughed and said "I'm tasting all that is Possible. I try to eat the food I need, and do the things I should. But life's so short, my friend, I hate missing out on something good. This year I realized how old I was. (He grinned) I haven't been this old before." "So, before I die, I've got to try those things that for years I had ignored. I haven't smelled all the flowers yet. There are too many trout streams I haven't fished. There's more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to be flown overhead. There are too many golf courses I haven't played. I've not laughed at all the jokes. I've missed a lot of sporting events and potato chips and cokes. I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face. I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His grace. I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast. I want un-timed long distance calls to the folks I love the most. I haven't cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain. I need to feel wind on my face. I want to be in love again. So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner, then should I die before night fall, I'd say I died a winner, because I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart's desire. I had that final chocolate mousse before my life expired.." With that, I called the waitress over.. "I've changed my mind, " I said. "I want what he is having, only add some more whipped cream!" This is my gift to you - We need an annual Friends Day! If you get this twice, then you have more than one friend. Live well, love much & laugh often - Be happy. SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS including me if I'm lucky enough to be counted among them. Be mindful that happiness isn’t based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on love, hard work and respect. Remember that while money talks, ice cream sings. Be mindful that happiness isn't based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people we like and respect. Remember that while money talks, CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM SINGS!

Texans...

WISH I COULD  THINK ON MY FEET LIKE THIS GUY - AN IN YOUR FACE SNAPPY COMEBACK LIKE THIS ONE IS SUPERB.MJK




Don't mess with Texas! 


An Arab Muslim enters a   taxi cab in Dallas, Texas.......... 


Once he is seated he asks   the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed   by his religion and; in the time of the prophet, there was no music,   especially Western music, which is music of the infidel's and certainly no   radio ........ 


So the cab driver politely   switches off the radio, pulls over to the side, stops the cab and opens the   back door. 


The Arab asks him: “What   are you doing man?” 


The Texan answers: “In the   time of the prophet there were no taxis.


So get your ass out and   wait for a camel.” 


You gotta love   Texas


One Flag, 
One Language, 
One Nation Under God!!
~ .\|/. ~
<(©¿©)>
Keep Smilin'

FIFTY DOLLARS

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year,

And every year Morris would say,

'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied,

'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars,

And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,

'Esther, I'm 85 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied,

'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,

'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

I'm impressed!'
Morris replied,

'Well, to tell you the truth,

I almost said something when Esther fell out,

But you know,

fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

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LAUGH FOR THE DAY

LAUGH FOR THE DAY!

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!'


(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)


The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.


As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.'


'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'








Send this to someone who needs a laugh today and remember: Knowing scripture can save your life - in more ways than one!

Bob and the Blond

BOB & THE BLONDE:

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar

And stared up at the TV.

The 10 PM news was coming on.

The news crew was covering the story

Of a man on the ledge of a large building

Preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said,

"Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said,

"You know, I bet he'll jump.

The blonde replied,

"Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said,

"You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar,

The guy on the ledge

Did a swan dive off the building,                                

Falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset,

But willingly handed her $20 to Bob. 

"Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied,                                

"I can't take your money.

I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news,

So I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied,

"I did, too,

But I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money

TRUTH FUNNER THAN FICTION

ESCORTS PUTTING PRESSURE ON BANKERS

TAGS:Thrills&Spills, Crisis, Protest, Europe, Sex, Banking, Economy

Madrid’s high-class escorts have found a way to regulate the Spanish banking sector. The ladies want to have their say in the economy by withholding sexual pleasures from bank employees.
The largest trade association for luxury escorts in the Spanish capital has gone on a general and indefinite strike on sexual services for bankers until they go back to providing credits to Spanish families, small- and medium-size enterprises and companies.
It all started with one of the ladies who forced one of her clients to grant a line credit and a loan simply by halting her sexual services until he “fulfills his responsibility to society.”
The trade association's spokeswoman praised their success by stressing the government and the Bank of Spain have previously failed to adjust the credit flow.
"We are the only ones with a real ability to pressure the sector," she stated. “We have been on strike for three days now and we don't think they can withstand much more.”
She has revealed that bankers have made some pitiful attempts to use their services by pretending to be engineers or architects.
“But they don't fool anyone since it has been many years since these professionals could afford rates that start from 300 euro an hour," she continued.
The bankers reportedly became so desperate that they even decided to call in the government for mediation.
The Mexican website SDPnoticias.com, which initially published the story, cites the Minister of Economy and Competitiveness as admitting that the lack of legislation regulating the escort sector makes it very difficult for the government to intercede in the conflict.
"In fact, there has not even been a formal communication of the strike — the escorts are making use of their right of admission or denying entry to…well, you know. So no one can negotiate," he was quoted as saying.

Should have titled this blog dumbest jokes of all time.

Two Arabs, Abd-al-Rahman and Abd-al-Rashid moved to Paris where they

made friends with a French guy named Jean-Paul.

They used to go all over Paris with him when suddenly one day . . .
Jean-Paul disappeared.

The two went to the police and lodged a complaint.

The police asked them if they could give some vital clues about
Jean-Paul that would help find him.

Abd-al-Rahman says . . . "Jean-Paul was handsome and tall"
Police say . . . "Most Frenchmen are like that . . . Give us something specific"

Abd-al-Rashid says . . . "Jean-Paul had blue eyes and was very fair"
Police say . . . "C'mon guys, lots of Frenchmen have blue eyes and fair hair, tell us something specific"

Abd-al-Rahman and Abd-al-Rashid. . . "Oh yes, Now we remember!
Jean-Paul had two holes in his ass !!!"

The Policemen get really interested . . . "Now that's something very specific - but tell us, how do you know this ?? Have you guys seen it?"

Abd-al-Rahman and Abd-al-Rashid . . . "No we haven't seen the holes, but wherever we went with Jean-Paul, everyone used to say
. . . "Here comes Jean-Paul with the TWO assholes."

John Wayne's philosophy

John Wayne's five rules for life...


1. Money cannot buy happiness but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard's name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.


4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Women

WOMEN



A real woman is a man's best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.




She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.




She will enable him to express his deepest emotions,
and give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he's the                 most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the                 most confident,
sexy, seductive and invincible...




No wait...Sorry...
I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that shit.


Never mind.

Social Security Joke...

SOCIAL SECURITY NOW CALLED 'FEDERAL BENEFIT        PAYMENT/ENTITLEMENT'

Have you noticed, your Social Security check is now referred to as a "federal benefit payment"?

I'll be part of the one percent, to forward this, our government gets away with way too much in all areas of our lives, while they live lavishly on their grossly overpaid incomes!            

KEEP passing THIS AROUND UNTIL EVERY ONE HAS READ IT.....

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT THE ONLY THING WRONG WITH THIS CALCULATION IS THEY FORGOT TO FIGURE IN THE PEOPLE WHO DIED             BEFORE THEY COLLECTED THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY!!!! WHERE DID THAT MONEY GO?????????????

This was sent to me, I am forwarding it because it does touch a nerve in me.

This is another example of what Rick Perry called "TREASON in high places" !!! Get angry and pass this on!

Remember, not only did you contribute to Social Security but your employer did too. It totaled 15% of your income before taxes. If you averaged only $30K over your working life, that's close to $220,500.

If you calculate the future value of $4,500 per year (yours & your employer's contribution) at a simple 5% (less than what the government pays on the money that it borrows), after 49 years of working you'd have $892,919.98.

If you took out only 3% per year, you'd receive $26,787.60 per year and it would last better than 30 years (until you're 95 if you retire at age 65) and that's with no interest paid on that final amount on deposit! If you bought an annuity and it paid 4% per year, you'd have a lifetime income of $2,976.40 per month.

The folks in Washington have pulled off a bigger Ponzi scheme than Bernie Madehoff ever had.

Entitlement my butt, I paid cash for my social security insurance!!!! Just because they borrowed the money, doesn't make my benefits some kind of charity or handout!!

Congressional benefits ---- free healthcare, outrageous retirement packages, 67 paid holidays, three weeks paid vacation, unlimited paid sick days, now that's welfare, and they have the nerve to call my social security retirement entitlements?

We're "broke" and can't help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless.

In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti, Chile , and Turkey. And now Pakistan ......home of bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!

Our retired seniors living on a 'fixed income' receive no aid nor do they get any breaks while our government and religious organizations pour Hundreds of Billions of $$$$$$'s and Tons of Food to Foreign Countries!

They call Social Security and Medicare an entitlement even though most of us have been paying for it all our working lives and now when it’s time for us to collect, the government is running out of money. Why did the government borrow from it in the first place? Imagine if the *GOVERNMENT* gave 'US' the same support they give to other countries.

Sad isn't it 99% of people won't have the guts to forward this.

I'm one of the 1% -- I Just Did.

Funny pilot joke.

This is funny!
How funny can it get?

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.      

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN', he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're  NOT my flight instructor?'

Historical joke!

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick
up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the
Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay
down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the
Promised Land."

Today, Bush has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price
of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!