How to wash a cat...

Some of you have heard this, but pass it on to those who need a good laugh !!!!!!!


How to Wash a Cat

Go into the bathroom and put both lids of the toilet up
Add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to water in the bowl
Pick up the cat - soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom
In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid.
You may need to stand on the lid.
At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noise that comes from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this!!!!!!
Flush the toilet 3-4 times.
This provides a "Power-Wash & Rinse"
Have someone open the front door of your home.
Be sure no one is in the path between the bathroom and the front door.
Stand well back behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift the lid.
The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom and run outside
He will now dry himself.
Both your toilet and your cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog

Your economic stimulus sad but true...

THIS IS REALLY GOOD ADVICE - The Scary Part Is It Is Most Likely True.

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q&A format: Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment? A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. Q.. Where will the government get this money? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? A. Shut up. Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely: * If you spend the stimulus money at WalMart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka . * If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs. * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China. * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras, Guatemala and . . . * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea . * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan . * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. Instead, keep the money in America by: 1) Spending it at yard sales, or 2) Going to ball games, or 3) Spending it on prostitutes, or 4) Beer or 5) Tattoos. (These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. ) Conclusion: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yardsale and drink beer all day ! No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.