Have you heard this one???

On Monday, January 27, 2014

AIRPLANE IN TROUBLE

The pilot informed the passengers that the airplane was about to crash;
however, it soon became apparent that there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Holly Madison said, "I have my own reality show and I
am the smartest and prettiest woman at Playboy, so Americans don't want me to die." She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated
war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America. " So he
grabbed the second pack and jumped

The third passenger, Barack Obama, said, "I am the President of the United
States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even
call me the 'Anointed One.'" So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a
10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life and served my God the
best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. Graham. There's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."

__._,_.___

HOOKER'S UNION

A dedicated Democrat and Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.




"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."


NOW you know what's wrong with the AUTO industry and the seniority system in the House and Senate.

Laughingstock of the world...

A doctor from France says: "In France , the medicine is so advanced that we
cut off a man's testicles; we put them onto another man, and in 6 weeks he
is looking for work.
"The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the
brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks
he is looking for work."
A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of
the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2
weeks he is looking for work."
The U.S. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are
way behind us..in the USA .  About 3 years ago, we grabbed a person from
Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls..we made him President of the
United States, and now the whole damn country is looking for work."