Don't ask Grandma in court...

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.' The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.' The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.

BEST LAWYER JOKE EVER...

BEST TRUE LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND                                 POSSIBLY THE CENTURY This took place in Charlotte , North Carolina . A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and                                 expensive cigars, then insured them against,                                 among other things, fire. Within a month, having                                 smoked his entire stockpile of these great                                 cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the                                 insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer                                 stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.'The                                 insurance company refused to pay, citing the                                 obvious reason, that the man had consumed the                                 cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued -                                 and WON! (Stay with me.) Delivering the ruling,                                 the judge agreed with the insurance company that                                 the claim was frivolous. The judge stated                                 nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from                                 the company, in which it had warranted that the                                 cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that                                 it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal                                 process, the insurance company accepted the                                 ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his                                 loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.                                 NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed                                 the check, the insurance company had him                                 arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own                                 insurance claim and testimony from the previous                                 case being used against him, the lawyer was                                 convicted of intentionally burning his insured                                 property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail                                 and a $24,000 fine. This true story won First                                 Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award                                 contest. ONLY IN AMERICA ... NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS WE'RE NUTS