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Showing posts with label Texas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Texas. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Very funny...



Subject: Funny Stuff....but some truth to California's way of thinking!

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog on a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

2. He calls animal control . Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to a hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while the Fish & Game Commission conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.
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The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Young woman


A young Texas woman was so depressed that she decided to end her lifeby throwing herself into the Gulf, but just before she could throwherself from the docks, a handsome young Texan stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow.
I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."


With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night hewould bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make loveto her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.


"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.


"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "Hebrings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."
"I see," the captain says.


Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is, "replied the captain. "This is the Galveston       Ferry."

Monday, March 26, 2012

Texans...

WISH I COULD  THINK ON MY FEET LIKE THIS GUY - AN IN YOUR FACE SNAPPY COMEBACK LIKE THIS ONE IS SUPERB.MJK




Don't mess with Texas! 


An Arab Muslim enters a   taxi cab in Dallas, Texas.......... 


Once he is seated he asks   the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed   by his religion and; in the time of the prophet, there was no music,   especially Western music, which is music of the infidel's and certainly no   radio ........ 


So the cab driver politely   switches off the radio, pulls over to the side, stops the cab and opens the   back door. 


The Arab asks him: “What   are you doing man?” 


The Texan answers: “In the   time of the prophet there were no taxis.


So get your ass out and   wait for a camel.” 


You gotta love   Texas


One Flag, 
One Language, 
One Nation Under God!!
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