NOT WORTH READING...

Well, I guess it just had to come to this sooner or later!

 

A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"  

He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

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A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.  

It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".  

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.  

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A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"  

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.  

"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"  

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A blond man is in jail; the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.  

"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.  

"Hanging myself", the blond replies.  

"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.  

"I tried that", he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".  

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An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the blond man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."  

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A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year".  

The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th".  

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Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.  

One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"  

The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."  

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A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."  

To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you, because I wasn't even at home yesterday!”

Pilot Joke...

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked,

Are you a real pilot?

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... Flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked:
"Are you a real pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.