NOT WORTH READING...

Well, I guess it just had to come to this sooner or later!

 

A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"  

He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

------------------------------------  

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.  

It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".  

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.  

------------------------------------  

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"  

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.  

"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"  

---------------------------------  

A blond man is in jail; the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.  

"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.  

"Hanging myself", the blond replies.  

"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.  

"I tried that", he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".  

------------------------------------  

An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the blond man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."  

--------------------------------------  

A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year".  

The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th".  

------------------------------------  

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.  

One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"  

The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."  

------------------------------------  

A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."  

To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you, because I wasn't even at home yesterday!”

ANOTHER BLOND JOKE ONLY SHE WINS

                 The Blond Girl Wins One!

    

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Coloradorancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the

rancher  says to Amy, "The  insemination man is coming

over to  impregnate one of  our cows, so I drove a nail into

the 2x4 just  above where the cow's stall is in the barn.  

Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"

The rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial  insemination man arrives and

knocks on the front door. 

“I came to inseminate the cow,” he said.

Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row

of cows, and when Amy sees  the nail, she tells him,  "This is

the one right  here." 

The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks,

"Tell me, lady, 'cause I'm dying to know. How would YOU

know that this is the right cow to be bred?"

"That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she

explains very confidently.

Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is

the nail for?"

The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,

“I guess it’s to hang your pants on."

Bob and the Blond

BOB & THE BLONDE:

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar

And stared up at the TV.

The 10 PM news was coming on.

The news crew was covering the story

Of a man on the ledge of a large building

Preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said,

"Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said,

"You know, I bet he'll jump.

The blonde replied,

"Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said,

"You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar,

The guy on the ledge

Did a swan dive off the building,                                

Falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset,

But willingly handed her $20 to Bob. 

"Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied,                                

"I can't take your money.

I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news,

So I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied,

"I did, too,

But I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money