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Showing posts with label Japan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Japan. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

WOMEN AND MATH

This is cute...
 
This man knows WOMEN, and he knows MATH . . . . He writes:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut 
right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the 
shoulder to avoid hitting her

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window 
and gave the woman the finger.

'Man, that guy is stupid,' I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and 
wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, 
and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I 
pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or 
unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have 
seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons 
and this number is increasing.

That means EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female who has a 
lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously 
considered both suicide and homicide, has PMS, and is armed!

Give her the finger...I don't think so!!!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

How to make a difference in the world...


As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to
"make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that
our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of
other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on
challenges that would make many of us wither.

Harold Schlumberg is such a person:




QUOTE FROM HAROLD:


"I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that
you're retired?' Well, I'm fortunate to have a Chemical
Engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most
is converting beer, wine and vodka into urine. Then I piss on a photo
of Obama! I do it every day and I really enjoy it."
Harold is an inspiration to us all.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Pope and the Democrat...

The Pope and the Democrat

The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska .. He was cruising along the campground in the 'Popemobile' when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a Vote for Obama hat and a Save the Trees shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.
As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing Go Sarah shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who was that guy ?"
"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all kinds of wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "he may have a lot of wisdom, but he doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, is our bait still alive or do we need to go back to California and get another one...?" 

Friday, May 3, 2013

You must be over fifteen to read this...


Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.


This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.



He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'



She replied, 'Probably golfing with his buddies.



It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.