LAWYER SCREWS UP

Gotta Love this Policeman         A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!   So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.   The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.   When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.   The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"   Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.   On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.   Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"   Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."   Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"   "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."   "What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"    "Aggressive and hostile, Sir."    "Aggressive and hostile?"    "Yes, Sir.   "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"   Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.  How often can one get an attorney to incriminate his own client?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to piss off everybody...

Politically Incorrect British Humor

 

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It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting  in Tide washing powder to stop the coloureds from running.

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Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London . Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

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Following the riots in Tottenham, it's important to remind ourselves that not all black people are stereotypical liars, thieves and arsonists. Many are drug dealers.

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Riots in Birmingham last month caused over £1 million worth of improvements

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Muslims have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who's English. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9.

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They've had to cancel the pantomime 'Jack & the Beanstalk' in Birmingham, Bristol, Oldham, Bradford, Burnley, Leicester, Manchester and London.  Apparently the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen.

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Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." But, since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works great!

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Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque...

They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.

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During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.

A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there".

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Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.

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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low.

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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony, shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

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Larry the Cable Guy solves our problems

Direct Quote from "Larry, the Cable Guy"

THIS CABLE GUY HUMOR IS FUNNY BUT UNFORTUNATELY ITS TRUE! THE MAN'S A GENIUS!!! 

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in Our Country lately: Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida . .. .. . Not me -- I concentrate on solutions for the problems -- it's a win-win situation.

* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
> * Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees.
> * Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.

> 

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
> Think about this:
> 1. Cows
> 2. The Constitution
> 3. The Ten Commandments

> 

COWS
> Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

> 

THE CONSTITUTION
> They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ....
> why don't we just give them ours?
> It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
> it has worked for over 200 years,
> and we're not using it anymore.

> 

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
> The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this --
> you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal'
> 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and
> 'Thou Shall Not Lie'
> in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians,
> it creates a hostile work environment.

> 

Also, think about this .....
> If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone --
> YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

PILOT JOKE

 This is Air Traffic Control-------

This is the story of the blond flying in a two-seater airplane with
just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies.

She, frantically calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help
me! My pilot had a heart attack and he's dead and I don't know how to
fly."

Help me!  Please help me!”

She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control,
retired Marine fighter pilot, and I have you loud and clear. I will
talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot
of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath.
Everything will be fine!"

"Now give me your height and position.”

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Obama.”
"O.K." says the voice on the radio...."Repeat after me: Our Father,
who art in heaven.....".